...including just one black friend

Yeah, that’s me. The problem is what social scientists call ‘propinquity’: I have almost no Black people I interact with. Turns out the single Black person I got to talking to had an interest in history in common.

It’s not easy.

I live in a cohousing community in a Boston exurb. When we were forming as a group, prior to breaking ground, (mid 90s) we put a lot of effort into finding Black families that might want to move in with us. In retrospect, the issue was that we were forming a community in order to have community. Black folks already had community. We were work and money to get something they already had.

I spent some decades in high tech. I had just a few Black coworkers. I asked one, who had given his notice, over a couple of beers, why he was leaving. His answer: better money/opportunity in working for federal contractors, particularly in defense. So affirmative action was pulling good people out of where I was working. To be fair, I could have made $$$ working on missile code for Raytheon as well. I just had issues (and the privilege to make decisions based on them — but I didn’t see it that way back then)

I never expected things to be this way. In high school, I had a Black friend (yeah, just one, but I had a limited number of friends)— and a Black girlfriend, until she dumped me (long story, but at least partially my fault, and, yes, I was stupid, probably still am).