Agreed 100% that there's insufficient study of females. Not just humans, but many other 'model organisms' as well (although not drosophila or C. elegans). As more women move into research this seems to be changing (albeit too slowly).

Also agreed that both science and medicine have failed you.

That said, if you'd been XY, you'd probably have had full-on hemophilia as those genes are on the X chromosome (XY means no 'backup copy'). You mention that many of the women in your family have similar issues. I have to wonder if any of the men had clotting disorders(?)

I found a decent overview of factors that affect ferritin absorption over on PubMed. Most probably very old news for you, but it might be useful for anyone else reading. It might be worth trying iron dextran injections just to see if it’s an absorption issue or something else.

Also, if you're planning children, I'd suggest speaking with a genetics councilor (Captain Obvious here).

To be as clear as possible: I am NOT a medical professional; just some XY who got interested in biology and medicine late in life.